2017 Marshall Rosenberg gives examples of expressing oneself in terms of what's wrong with people. It starts 2-3 minutes in: https://youtu.be/fljEt7_sX7o Allan Schore on romantic love: https://youtu.be/gfrTpG5Kq6A?t=55m40s Molyneux and his therapist wife behaving like scared little children, as I did. How is that not arrested emotional development? https://youtu.be/lyCBPi-vqHM 0’ Pia Mellody’s model of developmental immaturity omits the survival-level fear that Peter Levine talks about? 1’45 shocking news for Molyneux coming later in this video 2’30 arrested emotional development: what does it actually cause? 3’30 maid who was kind with me, helped me be less wounded than I could have been 4’15 I didn’t learn to soothe myself, I remained dependent on another person 4’45 began to look for a soulmate at 7, so we could soothe each other 5’ Someone (I don't remember, not Allan Schore) explains why we look for mates resembling our parents 5’35 love at first sight caused by matching arrested emotional development? 6’ why loud bird sounds don’t trigger my fear, while an engine in the distance does 6’55 why untreated childhood trauma can last a lifetime 7’40 Molyneux’s wrongheaded stance on self-defense keeps his fans at risk of getting bullied 8’55 having been powerless to ensure my safety against my dad made me a target for bullies, but learning self-defense gave me the confidence that keeps them away 9’15 confusion from untreated childhood trauma is what blinds Molyneux fans? 10’25 can you be terrified and not know it? Yes, if your life depends on it 11’ repressing my fear cut me off from other feelings too, making life bland 11’30 I didn’t know why I wasn’t enjoying my life, but I knew something was wrong 12’15 took me all these years, then this very dark one, but now I really like with my life! 12’40 I’m grateful for all the nurturing that my parents did give me, which let me develop well intellectually and physically, and even emotionally in many aspects 17’15 This isn’t about bashing my parents, all this going over how they hurt me, it’s only about getting clear what I didn’t get enough of, so I can avoid these mistakes with the next generation. I want to share what I learn, so we all benefit and we can build a better world for everyone 17’55 unconscious fear was erasing my sense of identity. Another sign of childhood trauma 18’45 our unconscious mind is our ally, it’s there to keep us alive. So thinking of it as if it’s doing harm to us, as in the concept of the inner critic, if I understand correctly. That’s harmful and counter-productive, in my opinion. 19’20 more about Molyneux plagiarizing Loveline 20’ more examples of how my unconscious fear made it difficult to function. Scary, talking to cab drivers or store clercks. Composing emails. Couldn’t plan ahead. I had too little attention, it was all going into maintaining a facade, in order to protect myself. 22’ blaming others for everything, led to major setbacks 22’35 drove away everyone around me. Was angry at everyone 24’ losing my first love, depression, rebuilding my mind but only the intellectual part 26’ then 25 years later depression again, after my wife also leaves, takes our children with her 27’ changing my thinking again, this time adding feelings (Nonviolent Communication), but still unaware of trauma 28’15 then 5 years later, my current love disappears. 10x depression, finally breaking through denial and finding repressed fear and shame 29’15 grateful to my ex-wife for remaining supportive 30’45 the pain of hearing my first love died, a victim of childhood trauma I think, hers and that of the medical establishment 32’35 this worried me even more about the woman I love now 32’45 I see the pattern, I’m attracted to women with high anxiety, who aren’t dependably present. Just like mom. 33’35 Allan Schore explains how attachment in early childhood later causes attraction to a certain type of mate 34’10 or as Pia Mellody looks at it, is which emotional capabilities didn’t develop in childhood, that we seek to finish developing, in relationship with someone similar to our parent. Getting more tries. 34’35 I think Molyneux has too much unconscious fear, from abuse in his childhood, to be able to think through things. And he’s scared to admit it, even to himself. And if his wife doesn’t see this, it’s because she’s the same. And she’s a therapist! 35’25 I want people to be happier, so I’m frustrated when I see evidence most therapists are too wounded to be able to really help, and this keeps the field of therapy from progressing. 36’25 I have hope, because I see doctors like Milton Erickson, who had amazing results. 36’55 Pia Mellody’s model is already very effective, especially when including Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing 37’35 I like Carl Rogers’s view, that people aren’t bad, and if someone does something that goes against life, it’s because they’re wounded. They don’t need to be rejected and shamed, they need to be helped to heal.

2017 Nature's Lessons in Healing Trauma: An Introduction to Somatic Experiencing (SE) https://youtu.be/nmJDkzDMllc Dr. Drew Podcast - EP65 - Dr. Allan Schore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfrTpG5Kq6A Dr. Drew Podcast - EP63 & 90 - Dr. Stephen Porges https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZxUw5vscWA More Stephen Porges interviews, where he shares more information: https://youtu.be/8tz146HQotY https://blog.bulletproof.com/stephen-porges-the-polyvagal-theory-the-vagal-nerve-264/ Defining the Impact of Developmental Trauma and Outlining the Road to Recovery (Pia Mellody's model) - South Pacific Private https://youtu.be/cU33PLAtSOA The Egg, by Andy Weir: http://galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html 0' the brain can be changed, there is hope! 2'45 my son's drawing, 3 months after separation 3'30 the 7 most helpful things James (not John, oops!) told me: 1 (4') "You're an important person!" 2 (4'35) it's because I didn't get enough guidance in childhood, that I'm having difficulty today 3 (5'15) it's not the child's fault, it's the parents. So don't blame the child! 4 (5'35) it's the emotional reaction I get, that's keeping me from being effective 5 (5'50) getting the habit of checking what I feel, and then say it 6 (6'15) "Have the same consideration and compassion for yourself, that you want to have for others" 6'35 lucky to have found a therapist who understood my values. lucky he wasn't asking for money 6'45 fear triggered by hearing a car 7 (7'55) "You can't control the outcome, so only judge yourself on the effort you put in". But dad had judged me on outcomes, so unconsciously and emotionally I kept on doing that, even if consciously and intellectually I knew better. 9'20 twenty more things that helped me: 1 to acknowledge it, when I'm suffering. This helps the emotional brain get calmed by the intellectual brain. 2 (10') for the same reason, put the pain or anxiety or other overwhelming emotion, on a scale of 1 to 10. 3 (10'25) remember I don't know what the future will bring, and life can be good, and it may be good in the future 4 (10'35) not my fault I'm suffering so much, it's what happened to me in the past 5 (10'45) remember a lot of the pain comes from thinking I'm worthless. Remember how I really did my best all along, and I don't have anything to reproach myself 6 (11’05) to look at the pain not as my own, the adult I am, but that of my inner child. It’s him who is suffering, and that’s because he’s a child 7 (13’) I would give this child a hug 8 (15’15) to set goals for myself that I see myself possibly achieving 9 (18’15) at least for my children I’m valuable 10 (18’30) five things that helped: Think of all the people who have it worse. How it’s my life and I’m not answerable to anyone else. Nobody else has it all together. It’s ok to not fix everything right now. The egg short story 11 (20’) doing kind things for myself 12 (21’) seeing Selda found value in communicating with me every day, gave me some sense of self-worth. Also relief from loneliness 13 (22’30) gradually daring to reveal more of myself behind the mask. I think it’s visible Molyneux is hiding behind a mask 14 (25’45) role plays. The one with Selda from part 1/6. A role play with James, where I played my dad, and how terrifying that was for the child I was 15 (27’45) Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing 16 (34’40) beginning to empathize with Selda, helped restore my self-confidence 17 (35’10) becoming able to soothe myself back to calm, instead of depending on someone else for this 18 (37’10) realizing that a large part of my difficulties comes from not having received what I needed during childhood, brought relief, and made healing my priority 39’15 why chirping birds don’t scare me, while frog and crow calls do, how Stephen Porges explains it 19 (41’30) seeing how I have worth even if I don’t achieve anything in my life, was a major relief. Twelve step programs. Religion. Spirituality. 20 (46’) there’s also the value that we may bring to people later on, possibly people we haven’t met yet 46’25 conclusions. My problems mostly came from childhood. The warmth and security of loving myself. Gratitude to everyone who helped me

Marshall Rosenberg demonstrates NonViolent Communication (NVC)

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