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Why Men Need Men in Their Lives
NEWS Operation Tears of the 22 is having its retreat for Veterans again this year. But instead of Byrds Adventure Center, They are having it at Adam Sandoval's Kriver Campgrounds. You can get your tickets for 4 days of fun and jeeping around. There are going to be bands in the evening and I will be there coaching everyone who wants it and some people who don't. So Sign up here!
Main topic One of the biggest parts of having a fulfilling life is having that important network of masculine friends. The need to be able to meet and talk with other noble masculine men is often exactly what separates the men from the boys. Yet so many men don't have a close-knit set of friends. Those 3 a.m. people who you know if you called them at any time of the night, they would be in their pickup and heading your way.
There is some stats that say that around 15% of men don't have any close friends. While Men 30 years ago around half of the men had 6 or more friends while now the average is about 27% that have 6 or more friends
In today's society when men get married they often drop their friends for their family. It almost seems like this is how it goes and some men will wrongly state that this is even in the bible. Which is a misquote. It is talking about men will leave their parents and turn to their wives for the family. It doesn't mean they abandon their friends.
When a man is married this is a bigger reason that they have a group of men with who they can turn, and share their life. These masculine friends are the foundation for men to have healthy masculine lives. Yet in today's society, it is not happening. So why do men need other men as friends and confidants?
Spreads the pain Men take on a lot. They have the pressure of work and the pressure of family and trying to make sure that everyone is attended to while also bringing home meat for the family. Women in today's society are just now really starting to understand what it takes to be a man and why men come home stressed. What pressure of the working world is actually like. Not saying they can't handle it but there are advantages to being able to stay home with their kids.
So with all those times that suffering comes along, it is good for men to have other men in their lives. That is because men are able to process pain and negativity in a completely different way than what women do. We can take on more and we often see ourselves as being noble for sacrificing our health for our families. The problem is that if you don't dump the weight it does cause problems. This is why s many men turn to alcohol and drugs. to deaden the pressure that they feel. They turn to these substances because they don't realize that yes men can handle all that negativity but it is better when you let other strong noble masculine men help shoulder the load.
Men are meant to take on the negative painful events from those around them yet. We then turn around and deny our friends the opportunity to do what we do best. Help our brothers who need that positive lift. A good way to look at this is to try to lift a car by yourself is next to impossible, unless it is a smart car and you are Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson. Yet if you take 10 men they can lift and move a car with greater ease.
This goes for your suffering and personal and professional pressures. Talk to your band of brothers and let them know that your wife is being distant. That you just got let go of your job and you don't know what to do. These times that you are suffering are the times you need your male friends. These masculine men are up for the challenge and can take the negative energy from you and spread that weight out amongst themselves and replace it with positive energy. That way you can share that positivity with your wife and kids.
Beacon of positive light Speaking of positive light, men you are the beacon of positivity for your family. When you are positive and light the family knows that their world is good. When you are dour and negative your family responds to that. You aren't helping them live you are just spreading out the suffering to those who you are supposed to protect.
This is why you give the negative to your close friends and they give you light. While you do the same for them. You and your friends can then return to each family and spread that light.
Learn to be more masculine This is a tough one for the nice guys in the world. The nice guy often works very hard to be seen in the positive for the women in his life. that could be the teachers in school to their moms and their wife.
Because men see through bull very easily and often will call out another crap. This is something Nice guys want to avoid. The emotional response isn't as easily controlled in men. So nice guys work very hard to avoid men so that they can manipulate the women who they see as easier. Nice guys don't realize that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.
Nice guys are...
...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAv6w5lmg-I
Main topic One of the biggest parts of having a fulfilling life is having that important network of masculine friends. The need to be able to meet and talk with other noble masculine men is often exactly what separates the men from the boys. Yet so many men don't have a close-knit set of friends. Those 3 a.m. people who you know if you called them at any time of the night, they would be in their pickup and heading your way.
There is some stats that say that around 15% of men don't have any close friends. While Men 30 years ago around half of the men had 6 or more friends while now the average is about 27% that have 6 or more friends
In today's society when men get married they often drop their friends for their family. It almost seems like this is how it goes and some men will wrongly state that this is even in the bible. Which is a misquote. It is talking about men will leave their parents and turn to their wives for the family. It doesn't mean they abandon their friends.
When a man is married this is a bigger reason that they have a group of men with who they can turn, and share their life. These masculine friends are the foundation for men to have healthy masculine lives. Yet in today's society, it is not happening. So why do men need other men as friends and confidants?
Spreads the pain Men take on a lot. They have the pressure of work and the pressure of family and trying to make sure that everyone is attended to while also bringing home meat for the family. Women in today's society are just now really starting to understand what it takes to be a man and why men come home stressed. What pressure of the working world is actually like. Not saying they can't handle it but there are advantages to being able to stay home with their kids.
So with all those times that suffering comes along, it is good for men to have other men in their lives. That is because men are able to process pain and negativity in a completely different way than what women do. We can take on more and we often see ourselves as being noble for sacrificing our health for our families. The problem is that if you don't dump the weight it does cause problems. This is why s many men turn to alcohol and drugs. to deaden the pressure that they feel. They turn to these substances because they don't realize that yes men can handle all that negativity but it is better when you let other strong noble masculine men help shoulder the load.
Men are meant to take on the negative painful events from those around them yet. We then turn around and deny our friends the opportunity to do what we do best. Help our brothers who need that positive lift. A good way to look at this is to try to lift a car by yourself is next to impossible, unless it is a smart car and you are Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson. Yet if you take 10 men they can lift and move a car with greater ease.
This goes for your suffering and personal and professional pressures. Talk to your band of brothers and let them know that your wife is being distant. That you just got let go of your job and you don't know what to do. These times that you are suffering are the times you need your male friends. These masculine men are up for the challenge and can take the negative energy from you and spread that weight out amongst themselves and replace it with positive energy. That way you can share that positivity with your wife and kids.
Beacon of positive light Speaking of positive light, men you are the beacon of positivity for your family. When you are positive and light the family knows that their world is good. When you are dour and negative your family responds to that. You aren't helping them live you are just spreading out the suffering to those who you are supposed to protect.
This is why you give the negative to your close friends and they give you light. While you do the same for them. You and your friends can then return to each family and spread that light.
Learn to be more masculine This is a tough one for the nice guys in the world. The nice guy often works very hard to be seen in the positive for the women in his life. that could be the teachers in school to their moms and their wife.
Because men see through bull very easily and often will call out another crap. This is something Nice guys want to avoid. The emotional response isn't as easily controlled in men. So nice guys work very hard to avoid men so that they can manipulate the women who they see as easier. Nice guys don't realize that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.
Nice guys are...
...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAv6w5lmg-I
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The clothes make the man. Have you ever heard that phrase? Well, there are reasons that getting dressed is important for you and what you want to accomplish. Dressing up is one thing but how do you normally dress? That is the question. This doesn't mean you have to be at the pentacle of men's fashion. In fact, I question the fashion industry and how they are trying to femininize men. Men do have a way to dress and the uniform they choose to wear for their battle is important. There is a reason for uniforms to be worn at work. The most common reason is to exude a standard for the customer. If you went to a Mcdonald's and everybody was wearing what they want you could have the cook wearing a tank top and a cap on backward. The person at the counter could have on hospital scrubs. The fry guy may even be shirtless. The standards would be way lower than they are now. Your impression of that establishment would be one that you may not go back to.
The military has its own uniform standards and it is to help identify which side of the battlefield you are on. It also helps you to recognize who the leaders are versus who the privates are. Uniforms do serve a purpose. So what is your uniform?
Sadly many guys don't have a uniform they dress in what is comfortable and don't care who they are out to impress. This is doing our women a disservice because the young men these days don't even dress to impress their date. I have seen some of the guys my daughter dated in high school and the impression was losers. When talking to kiddo about the guy she would make big fluffy generalizations about him having a nice personality. Yet a few months down the road she would be in tears because he cheated on her. My response to that is yeah I saw that when I saw him.
How could I see that? well if you don't show yourself respect how are you going to respect others? That's how. He didn't show my daughter any respect by trying to keep his pants on his butt and looked like someone who is out solely for the chance to get a girl naked.
So yes you can tell a lot about a man by how he dresses. That's not the only indicator of a successful man but it is a big indicator.
Why is being well-dressed important? First, it shows others you are confident but also helps you feel more confident. To be able to make big strides in life you have to be confident that no matter what happens you are going to succeed. If you don't have confidence in yourself then the learning phase will cripple you.
You also show pride in yourself with what you are wearing. If you don't have any pride, your outward appearance will show through. You look like a slouch people will perceive you to be a slouch. Not fair? Life ain't fair buddy.
confidence pride in self You are perceived differentl
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXZPLkJzVJI
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Join me in helping Operation: Tears of the 22 and their first-time event over at the Byrd Adventure Center in Arkansas. This is happening between August 5-8 and are they ever putting up a bang-up event. There are going to be music and jeep rides on the many trails that span around the heart of the Ozark National Forest. on top of all that, there are going to be some amazing food trucks there to squash any hunger you have. We will also be having an auction where one of the lots is a 3-month coaching package with me!
So join up and let Matt and Rich know that you are going to the event by visiting the event page
Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How can you instill the understanding early on in a child's life that gang members should not be looked up to as role models and, despite its appealing nature, to walk their path would be a great misfortune?
That is a great question. Now I have a firm belief as to why gangs are so attractive to young people. now I can bash the music. The songs today promote and seem to encourage lots of today's youth to look at gangs in a romanticized manner. There are all the drugs the sense of comradery. you get to have guns and the like. Yet how do you change the hearts and minds of these kids from wanting to join a dead-end street like being in a gang?
To answer that We need to look at what the problem is, that problem is that there is no father in the picture. Thanks to many well-intended government programs the role of needing a father in the house has been diminished. Now when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t have to turn to the father and say we need to raise this kid together. Instead, they turn to their rich Uncle Sam and he gives them money for food and daycare and rent and everything else that a father is supposed to provide. This keeps the men from having to grow up and face their responsibilities of providing for a family and it keeps the women from having to face their responsibilities that they need to be making better choices with their men.
The people that lose out because of this lack of responsibility are the kids, especially the boys. You have a group of boys who doesn't have any strong masculine guidance in their life, therefore they turn to the closest perceived masculine and that is a bunch of grown boys who are in a gang. So they learn what it means to be a man from a bunch of people who don't know what it really means to be a man. Instead of the dad, who would know best and having that father be a constant presence in their life. These boys now have a bunch of strangers who are saying they have to do this or that to be called a man. When in reality they don't know anything about being a man because they were also taught by a bunch of grown boys instead of a grown man
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrRwIFsDOtI
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where-did-the-spark-go
In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome
The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder.
Why does this happen?
past disagreements
It is easier
Rejection free
How to rekindle the spark
Know what the roommate syndrome is about.
Start with the end in mind
Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.
It starts with the small stuff
Rediscover the silly you
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Summary
Here is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:
The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.
He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.
The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:
Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list. Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem. Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.
The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.
Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLOYJMxqPuQ
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Main Topic The magic question What if you could be successful? what if You could take that dream vacation? What if you did have that house on the hill? What if that girl did agree to go on a date? What if your wife did decide to stay What if you showed your wife the needed attention she wanted? Limiting What if Questions what if you got fired? What if your wife did leave? What if you failed in your task What if it doesn't work? Yeah it is visualization which has been discussed on a few episodes
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtVA_M0eqxM
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are-you-an-empty-building
What happens to a building when there is nobody living in it? It starts to get run down, right? There is not anybody there to make repairs to the everyday damages that happen. So the roof starts to leak. Which makes the floor soft and develop holes. The ceiling falls in. The windows break because nobody is taking care of it.
Your life is a building. The people who are in your life are the people who live in it. This is why it is important to have people in your life. You may have a few friends in your life but family is an important aspect of your life too. It is the foundation your life is built upon. You cant have a full life without people.
Your friends are the walls. Your closest friends are the load-bearing walls. They are there to support you. They provide you different experiences or rooms in your life. You have work friends, you have childhood friends. There are many different friends and there are many different rooms.
Now there are times that you have to take a vacation and get out of the house for a time. We know you can leave forever. So being a hermit is possible and can be beneficial but only for a short time then you have to reconnect with those folks who knew you.
If you don't allow for people to connect you start to become decrepit. Look at what happens to men when their wife dies. They typically end up dying within 2-5 years. They stop having people in their lives. You need new friends and new acquaintances. This keeps your life full and well maintained. Get to know people you don't see eye to eye with. Allow those deep conversations to brew. You will learn lots from those folks and they learn lots from you.
#Mastermind #Mindset #Family
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHqoS0hCDzI
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YouTube changed some things with live-streaming. At first, I was ticked and then stepped back and started thinking about it.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-MG0LeLzjE
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In this episode, I share my recent experience at a hippie event in Oklahoma, where I had the chance to meet interesting people and try out some healthy vegan options. I even participated in a unique activity called sound bathing, which turned out to be an eye-opening and fascinating experience. This event reminded me and my listeners about the importance of not allowing obstacles and excuses to stand in the way of our dreams and desires. Excuses can be the biggest barriers to our success, whether it's in our personal lives or in achieving our goals. It's time to let go of those excuses, overcome obstacles, and start taking action towards the life we truly want. Moving forward, I talk about the benefits of coaching and encourage listeners to sign up for a coaching event.
Coaching can help individuals overcome self-imposed limitations and address various areas of their lives, such as procrastination, overeating, and building connections with loved ones. I share my personal experience with attending events and trying new activities like getting a massage and wanting to try an ice bath. I emphasize the importance of not allowing excuses and other people's opinions to hinder our goals and dreams.
I share a story of a violin player who gave up his dream due to discouraging advice from someone else, highlighting the pitfalls of seeking validation from others and making excuses for ourselves. It's crucial for us to take responsibility for our own actions and not let fear or external factors hold us back.
I discuss the importance of believing in our own capabilities and setting our minds to achieve what we want. Seeking advice from high-quality individuals who have achieved success is valuable, rather than relying solely on friends who may not have the necessary expertise. Having a clear purpose or "why" is essential in overcoming obstacles and staying motivated. Making a plan and taking action, even if it means trying different approaches and making adjustments along the way, is crucial.
I share my personal goal of helping others through coaching and express a desire to see men succeed in pursuing their dreams, regardless of societal stereotypes and challenges they may face. I encourage listeners to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and growth, starting small and putting in the necessary effort and time to achieve their desired outcomes. Finally, I talk about the journey with Relaxed Male, from a men's magazine to a store, men's wellness blog, and now men's coaching. Running Relaxed Male as a serious business for about two years now, I want to show everyone how amazing life can be and that achieving goals is possible for anyone. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and celebrating it as a stepping stone to our true purpose is important. I acknowledge that some listeners may have experienced trauma or have PTSD, and while therapy is crucial for baseline functioning, coaching can take them even further.
I invite interested individuals to visit relaxedmel.com/trycoaching and sign up for a Zoom call to explore coaching further. I express my commitment to being there for anyone who joins and being willing to coach for as long as it takes. I encourage listeners to share this message with others who may need to hear it, as together, we can make Relaxed Male a movement and help men become their best selves. In closing, I remind listeners to take care and look forward to reconnecting with them in the next episode.
00:00:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Determination as Men 00:00:49 Welcome to the Relaxed Male and Reflection on Recent Event 00:02:00 Unexpected Experience at the Hippie Event 00:06:28 Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action 00:10:43 Excuses and opinions hinder us from reaching our goals 00:12:15 Giving up on dreams due to external discouragement 00:15:11 Know your why and overcome excuses with a plan 00:17:04 Start small, execute daily, and build towards success 00:20:14 Stop low-quality thinking and believe in your own potential 00:22:21 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Using Trauma as Fuel
Take The Next Step
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VIDEO
HOW T
how-to-care-for-your-sleeping-bag
No matter if you have a high dollar mummy bag meant for those times when you are on Everest or you have a nice detailed cut sleeping bag. THe care for them is pretty much the same.
In Camp
Turn the bags inside out.
Let the bag dry, because you have been sweating in it. Also, let the bag air out. Doing this will help ensure that your insulation keeps its loft. The loft is what helps you stay warm
Use a Bag Liner
Yeah, it is basically a sheet for your sleeping bag. It does the same thing as a sheet. This allows for the skin flakes to be caught the sweat and oils to collect on the liner and not on your bag. This way you don't have to wash your bag as much you just wash the liners
Don't wear the same Clothes you hiked into bed. Have bedclothes. This way you are not tracking in dirt and other nasties.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFIbLRVvnKk
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