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Context: Since I’ve moved back to Toronto from university, I have been trying my absolute best to heal the relationship between my parents and I. Opening up regular communication again, visiting home every couple of weeks - I did the best I could, making sure that I wasn’t over exerting myself. It seemed to be going really well, and I truly did enjoy feeling like I was sort of part of the family again.

Last October (2019), my mom came to Garett and I with a proposition - get a nikkah, an Islamic marriage, and you will be fully welcome in the family again. My first reaction to this was “oh yeah, of course, let’s just do it”. I wanted so badly to fix everything that I completely ignored that little nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that this wasn’t really the solution - it was just a bandaid.

Yes, we could easily say a couple of words aloud and get an Islamic marriage, but wouldn’t that open up another form of a double life? Wouldn’t my family then expect Garett and I to publicly label ourselves as Muslims, and express ourselves as such? This was exactly what I didn’t want and I already had spent so much energy escaping from such dishonesty in the past. Despite this, I told my family that we would do it, although I kept procrastinating on taking any actual action.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, my mum messages me really angrily about my videos. She’s upset that I used the word abuse, such strong language, in the title of my last story time video to describe my experience growing up in our shared household. I felt very angry in response. What I experienced WAS emotional abuse, no matter how hard it is to hear, and I would not back down on telling my story. I cut communication with her, because I knew that we wouldn't be able to have a constructive conversation while both of us were in such unstable emotional states.

A couple of days after receiving those invalidating texts from her, I wrote these letters and processed reality for what it actually is. My parents do not fully accept me for who I am yet, and that is fine, but I do not need to invite their negativity into my life.

A few days after that, I called my mom. I was feeling better and felt that maybe there was a chance we could talk it all out and come to a compromise. I laid everything out on the table, and my mum was not happy. Although I am very public about my beliefs, I think my parents were still holding onto the hope that I would come around and accept Islam again. She asked me directly “Are you a Muslim?”. I told her “No”, and she replied something along the
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbAoDXw5K1s