She was 11 I was 12 I never knew her name I mean I could have found it out but I wasn’t interested for some reason I was interested in her legs specifically the calf muscles I looked at them her legs I had a really bad feeling really bad now I can say why but I knew nothing then it was a premonition I was having I knew what was coming 40 years of suffering stretching before me endless and vile a crude and crewel tariff a bleak unending desert everything changed from one day to the next just like that you see I mean sex is an addiction a craving a need and it never goes away there is no end to cold turkey that just goes on forever I tried it for 16 years the cold turkey from the age of 30 to 46 the pain did not subside not at all it just got worse as time went by there is no sufficient or final ‘’fix’’ there is no end to the withdrawal I mean up to a point in my life everything was OK I knew nothing of sex I wanted nothing of it sex did not tax me sex did not task me sex did not inhabit possess demand require or otherwise intrude so there it was all of a sudden a new and Hellish reality sex banished joy from my heart and replaced it with an insatiable longing a permanent problem an exacting demoralizing degrading slavery vulgar artless and soul diminishing a relentless drive to Death the unfinishing dread the pitiful ignominious horror of Lust this was my existence now I could not embrace it the awful and sublime simplicity the brutal ugly deficiency the naked crudity of it supplied no inspiration no satisfaction no excitement no aesthetic or poetic dimension nothing interesting whatsoever ghastly just ghastly abominable one body forced obliged and terrorized by the threat of pure agony into rubbing against another body merely to stave off the perpetually looming agony that was God’s big Idea? that mindless mockery well Fuck Him! ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT8DJYUfW_M

Quincunxed in the evening sun the cocktails the bubbles the ginger beer the rum the slice of lemon the glinting the lounger the ice cubes the sun quincunxed right then and right there quincunxed in the evening sun the smiles the white teeth the flesh the friendly the cherry the brandy the heaven the heavenly the remark the spark the eleven the elevenly quincunxed quincunxed in the evening sun. ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVOmPrwib44