[Intro] Oh, it's music to my ears, oh man How can I describe the way I feel? Fucking great, man Okay, let me see How could I begin? [Verse 1] Locked in Mariah's wine cellar, all I had for lunch Was bread, wine, more bread, wine and Captain Crunch Red wine for breakfast and for brunch And to soak it up, an in-between snack, crackers to munch Mariah, what's ever happened to us? Why did we have to break up? All I asked for was a glass of punch You see, I never really asked for much I can't imagine what's going through your mind after such A nasty break-up with that Latin hunk Luis Miguel, Nick Cannon, better back the fuck up I'm not playin', I want her back, you punk This is Hello Kitty bedspread, Satin Funk Mixed with Egyptian, with a little rap and punk Zapp and Eric Clapton, Shaft, Frank Zappa, crunk And yeah baby, I want another crack at ya You can beat me with any spatula that you want I mean, I really want you bad, you cunt Nick, you had your fun, I've come to kick you in your sack of junk Man, I could use a fresh batch of blood So prepare your vernacular for Dracula acupuncture [Chorus] Bagpipes from Baghdad When will it ever cease? For Pete's sakes, he's crazy to say the least Bagpipes from Baghdad What's going through my mind Half the time, when I rhyme, or blowing up like Bagpipes from Baghdad Somebody turn the vacancy sign on 'Cause I'm gone, blowing on my Bagpipes from Baghdad I run the streets and act like a madman holding a Glad— [Verse 2] You can be a permanent fixture in my lyrical mixture I'm the Miracle Whip trickster My signature sound, when a tube of lipstick's around I'm bound to put it on in an instant, wow Man, what an ensemble! What an assortment of pharma–ceuticals This beautiful pill dust in my palm, my Cuticles get residue just from touchin' the bottle Never knew I could remind me so much of my momma I'll cut ya like Dahmer, pull a butcher knife on ya The size of a sword, boy, I'm like the fuckin' Red Sonja Get it stuck in your cornea, nice knowing ya, Norman You're so fuckin' annoyin', drop the shovel, boy You don't know what the fuck you're doin' I ain't playin' no fuckin' more Nick Cannon, you prick, I wish you luck with the fuckin' whore Every minute there's a sucker born, snuck up on Malachai Made the motherfucker suck on a shuck of corn Shuck o', shuck o' corn, Chaka Khan Hit Jason in the face with a hockey puck, and Told him it's fuckin' on, man, what the fuck are ya doin'? You're runnin' over the snowblower with the lawnmower Blowin' your bagpipes from Baghdad [Chorus] Bagpipes from Baghdad When will it ever cease? For Pete's sakes, he's crazy to say the least Bagpipes from Baghdad What's going through my mind Half the time, when I rhyme, or blowing up like Bagpipes from Baghdad Somebody turn the vacancy sign on 'Cause I'm gone, blowing on my Bagpipes from Baghdad I run the streets and act like a madman holding a Glad bag [Verse 3] In the bed with two brain-dead lesbian vegetables I bet you they become heterosexual Nothing will stop me from molestin' you Titty-fuckin' you 'til your breast nipple flesh tickles my testicles Is what I said to the two conjoined twins How's it going, girlfriends? You needs a boyfriend? You need some ointment? Just set up an appointment Who's gonna see the doctor first? We'll do a coin flip I just got my one-year sobriety coin chip When the bad get going, how bad does the going get? Baby, you shouldn't have any trouble rubbing groins with Each other, especially when you're joined at the hip I'm going to get the needle and thread from the sewing kit And attempt to separate 'em and stitch 'em back at the loin, shit Lure the little boy with the chocolate 'Chips Ahoy!' chip Cookie, lookie, even took me a Polaroid pic [Chorus] Bagpipes from Baghdad When will it ever cease? For Pete's sakes, he's crazy to say the least Bagpipes from Baghdad What's going through my mind Half the time, when I rhyme, or blowing up like Bagpipes from Baghdad Somebody turn the vacancy sign on 'Cause I'm gone, blowing on my Bagpipes from Baghdad I run the streets and act like a madman holding a Glad bag Oh, bagpipes from Baghdad [Outro] Hghum-day-li-laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aah-aah Hghum-day-li-laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aah-aah Hghum-day-li-laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aah-aah Hghum-day-li-laaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aa-aah-aah