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LIVE How to best respond to tampo from a Filipina
LIVE How to best respond to tampo from a Filipina December 27, 2018

According to Wikipedia-

Tampó, in Filipino culture, refers to a behavior in which a person withdraws his or her affection or cheerfulness from a person who has hurt his or her feelings.

In English "sulking" or "to sulk" is often considered the closest translation of tampo and there is also the term the silent treatment. The Malay-Indonesian equivalent is merajuk.

Tampo usually is manifested in the withdrawal of affectionate or cheerful behavior, and its expression is almost entirely nonverbal. These manifestations may include:
• resisting expressions of affection
• not talking to the person concerned, or to people in general
• being unusually quiet
• locking oneself in his or her own room
• refusing to eat
• not joining friends in group activities
• withdrawing from the group
• simply keeping to oneself

These are usually efforts to get the offending party to make amends, and if these behaviors do not work, one might choose to escalate them, perhaps to foot-stamping, door-slamming, or muttering.

Cultural context-
As a cultural behavior, tampo springs from the nonconfrontational nature of Philippine social interaction. Tampo offers an acceptable means of expressing hurt feelings in a society in which direct expression of anger or resentment is discouraged.

The withdrawal behaviors of tampo are indirect ways of expressing hostility.

Tampo may also be seen as a means by which Filipinos "save face", as direct confrontation is usually a threat to the "smooth interpersonal relationships" (SIR) deeply valued in Philippine society.

Responses to person manifesting-
The basic expectation of one who engages in tampo is that the offending party will woo or cajole him or her out of the feeling of being unhappy. The Tagalog word for this is amuhin or pagsuyo. This wooing and cajoling is done in a loving and tender way, a gesture called lambing.

For the offending party (the man), the typical Philippine way of dealing with tampo is to respond to the offended party (Filipina) with friendly overtures or expressions of concern, after a short "cooling-off" period. Not to do this may cause relations, especially romantic ones, to deteriorate.

In most instances in which tampo is engaged in, healing the inner, emotional relationship between two people is usually more critical than resolving the issue itself.

Per the Asawa Guide to Fil-West Relationships, tampo "is a mild behavioral reprimand that verges on role-playing. Tampo is mild and controlled and is the direct result of some perceived offense of a minor nature. It is short in duration. . . . Apologize for your bad behavior. Whether or not you’re guilty of the perceived 'crime' is irrelevant.

The important thing is that your girlfriend or wife desires to be consoled. She has been wounded emotionally and requires emotional solace. Intellectual objections will have little effect, and may actually aggravate the condition. . . .

After you apologize, allow the Filipina to lift the tampo slowly, at a respectable pace. Do not expect instant results. Do not continue apologizing, again and again, in an attempt to speed the tampo's demise. This will only make you look foolish, and it won't work. Keep your dignity, and let her keep hers. . . .

Similarly, don’t accuse a Filipina of tampo – that will embarrass her, and would be a breach of etiquette on your part. Her job is to execute the tampo as best she can, and your job is to play along and make her feel better. . . . The old standby's are still effective: a romantic card, chocolate, jewelry.

I have no reason to doubt the veracity of this content from Wikipedia. I am married to a Filipina and this sounds familiar. I would agree, from what I have experienced, that tampo has indeed been mild and controlled and short in duration (the rest of the day, sometimes early in the next day).

After thinking about it for a while, I can agree with the part about the “perceived offence being of a minor nature.” This is because I have read stories of other men who were perplexed at why it was happening. If they thought it was egregious they wouldn’t be wondering why she was not talking to him.

To find your Christian Filipina click here https://www.christianfilipina.com?affid=1096

Contact me at lovebeyondthesea4you@gmail.com

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