As the ever-dwindling remains of American Christendom, (which haven’t already been led to the slaughter by Joel Osteen) continue to feel flustered by Lil Nas X’s incomparably heroic display of butt hole for Beelzebub, we breathe a sigh of relief at news that the Evergreen Ever Given is no longer obstructing a healthy flow of toilet paper through the Suez Canal. Pour some Kaopectate out for the homies. Regularity is within reach, so long as we can keep Ted Cruz from needlessly taking a giant poo poo on the dignity and humanity of hundreds of children, who’ve been bubbled at the border, by the best of bad intentions. Unamused by the plight of border crossing babies, New York prepares to launch a Covid-19 digital passport, which promises to begin the process of letting us all get back to a new normal, enjoying the things we love, such as: sporting events, concerts, weddings, and ceding control of our every waking move to the wonderful folks that gave us Facebook, Uighur concentration camps, and drag-queen story hour. We probably should neglect to bring this up in the same breath as such important goings on, but there are reports that Japan is preparing to defend US Military assets in Taiwan from an impending attack. You’re f***ing right things are fine. Everything is fine. The Council convenes on March 29, 2021 ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGF9Y6NA62Y