Talk about Secret Conversations; this conversation was so secret, we didn't even know it was happening. Somebody must have been eavesdropping on us. We don't know how this even got uploaded. But nothing should surprise us anymore - anything's possible when you're a T.I., as all of you must know. The gangstalking has been getting worse lately. We must be over the target, or we wouldn't be getting this much flak.

I talked to a guy at McDonald's the other day. I only went there for the toys. There's a nice lady there who lets me buy the ones from last cycle with one quarter. I think she pockets it, but I don't blame her. Anyway, the man started asking me questions. Asked me how I knew to buy the old toys by themselves, without the meal. Asked me if it was some kind of "secret menu" thing, because his daughter would love to have some extra if she could.

I turned to him and said "Sir, I know who you are. Don't play dumb with me." He said "what?" I said "pretending that you have a daughter isn't fooling anyone here," and he said "Excuse me?" and at this point I was just tired of his acting and said "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND STOP ACTING SO GODDAMNED SURPRISED!" The nice lady behind the counter looked shocked - probably because I'm one of the few people that would have the guts to call these CRIMINALS out in public! But I don't care anymore. Pretty soon, the police arrived; someone claimed they heard me shouting at another patron.

I WAS NOT SHOUTING!

I was sitting outside playing with my toy when they arrived (well, at the PlayPlace. Is that technically outside?) I told them I already ate my fries, and was waiting to digest before I started walking like my doctor recommended. They wouldn't be able to find my doctor's name if they looked it up in the police directory, because he's a homeopathic healer, but I could share the information with them if they insisted. Maybe they could get some help for THEIR issues, possibly...

The police weren't interested in being healed (big surprise) and before I could finish they cut me off and asked me "were you yelling at another patron in here today?" I told them the truth: that person was NOT a patron. They have been following me, and I wanted them to know that I knew, and now everyone else knows too. The police looked over in the direction of where that man was still sitting, apparently, inside the restaurant at a table. I knew that right now he was only pretending to eat his fries 'cause the police looked over, and he only ordered them so he could watch me, but I hadn't noticed him sitting there earlier since our encounter. While gesturing over to him they contrasendingley said "I believe that qualifies him as a patron, sir. Now why do you say he was following you? Have you seen him before?" The other one chimed in "do you have any evidence?"

I calmly explained "NO, I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SEEN HIM BEFORE, I ALREADY KNOW! MY EVIDENCE IS THAT I HEAR THE TAPPING AT NIGHT. I KNOW THEY ONLY WANT ME TO KNOW THAT THEY'RE OUT THERE AND THEY CAN GET TO ME, THEY WANT ME TO BE AFRAID, BUT I REFUSE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN FEAR!" They asked me to calm down, and by this point one of the officers was reaching for his tazer and the third cop in the back who was quiet this whole time started saying something urgently into his walkie-talkie. I started to get dizzy, and I felt like I was gonna faint.

Before that could happen, I ran out of there, right past the two policemen talking to me. Though I made an effort not to run into anyone, I GENTLY bumped into the third one who was behind them and he started shouting at me to "stop," as if I had assaulted him. But I wasn't stopping for ANYONE. I smacked the stalker's coke off his table and onto the ground on the way out, just to remind him that I was onto him, and hopefully the police might slip on it too - just to slow them down. I ran across the street, dodging traffic... people started honking at me. I knew they were in on it, it was just a matter of time...

I slipped into the Dairy Queen across the street and around the corner, and headed straight for the restroom. Luckily, theirs are the smaller restrooms that still have doors and locks on them. I know for a fact that they are now "all gender" restrooms, so it's not like anyone will not be able to go because of me, cause there are two of them. I am in there right now as I type this. I don't think anyone saw me, but I did hear the police radios a few minutes after I came in, though I think they left. I'm waiting to make sure right now, and I'm not sure how much longer I can stay in here. I hear the whistling already though, they're telling me they know where I am, so I have to shut this off or else they'll be able to trace me. WHEN WILL THESE TERROR TACTICS EVER END!!

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If we were somehow responsible for the making of this surreptitiously recorded conversational masterpiece, we would tell you that kenjis9965 was responsible for the original fly image